Some Like It Fast
by terminal insanity
Summary: actually, the rating is just for those with a really dirty mind. haha. () in this fic, the rikkai regulars (save sanada) go visit yukimura, only to find sanada already there. with strange noises coming from the room, they have NO idea what's going on. [sa


Kirihara dodged one passerby, then another, as he and Jackal made their way to the hospital Yukimura-buchou was staying in. Niou and Yagyuu had already text-messaged Jackal to let them know that they were also on their way. They had been unavoidably detained, as the queue for the bakery that their buchou often patronized was especially long that day. None of them was going to leave the bringing of a gift to Marui. Knowing the tensai, the only gift Yukimura would be getting would be an empty pastry box.

Marui was already halfway to the hospital himself, with Yanagi in tow. They had left later than the rest of the team, Yanagi having wanted to double-check some of Marui's data. Sanada… Well, he was nowhere to be found. No one knew how often their fukubuchou visited Yukimura-buchou, but whenever he did, it was always alone.

They waited by the main hospital entrance for their number one doubles team and Yanagi and Marui. The former two were late, but since they'd already notified Kirihara about it with enough prior notice, the hotheaded second-year didn't lose his patience. After all, the pastries _were_ for their beloved and much-missed buchou. Kirihara still harboured some resentment towards the midnight-haired team captain, but it was impossible to actually _hate_ him.

Yukimura, he had decided, was one of those outwardly impossibly gentle paragons of inspiration and patience. Kirihara knew their captain harboured some darker qualities, hid some scarier aspects of himself from the others, but that knowledge only served to motivate Kirihara. One day, he told himself, one day, he'd defeat Yukimura-buchou. But for now, he'd settle with simply visiting the dark-haired boy as he recovered from a debilitating disease.

After more than a quarter-hour, Niou and Yagyuu showed up, the white cardboard pastry box in the latter's hands gleaming in the bright sunlight.

"Ah, Yagyuu, Niou, took you long enough!" Marui snorted in annoyance. Then his eyes alighted upon the pastry box, and gleamed with gastronomical avarice. "Gimme!" He lunged for the box. Thankfully, the redhead wasn't neither Kikumaru and Seigaku, nor Mukahi of Hyotei. Yagyuu lifted the box high above his head, and Marui nearly landed face-first on the ground.

Marui hopped up and down, trying to reach the box, but Yagyuu was taller, and the latter had the aid of the remaining Regulars to keep Marui away from the box. "Yagyuu! Come on, just one piece? Just one?"

"He's not Yagyuu, I am."

Marui barely spared Niou a glance, ignoring completely the pair of glasses he had produced out of nowhere. "Fine, maybe not one whole piece. What about just one bite?"

"No."

Yanagi stopped them all by whisking the box away. Being the tallest, taller than even Sanada, had its advantages. "Let's not waste time that could be better spent."

Marui immediately left the imposter twins alone and trailed after Yanagi—rather, after the pastry box—like a lovesick puppy. Or a hungry one. Even as they made their way to Yukimura's room, he could be heard begging for a taste of whatever Niou and Yagyuu had bought.

They were just outside Yukimura's room when they heard a whiskey-smooth voice purr, "Perfect fit, Gen-kun." There was a husky laugh, then that velvet voice spoke again. "You're _very_ good with your hands…"

Yanagi stopped, with his hand on the door handle. Marui, still trailing after the box, didn't see the data collector stop and crashed into Yanagi, who almost smashed into the door. He stopped himself a mere two centimetres from the door. His eyes still closed, he glared at Marui. Jackal, Niou-Yagyuu and Yagyuu were just behind the bubblegum-blowing tensai. But they were at least paying attention to where they were going and stopped beside Yanagi.

"Yanagi?" Jackal said, not quite sure why Yukimura's close friend had stopped short of entering the hospital room. Yanagi didn't have to reply. Yukimura answered for him.

"Mm, that just _slides_ so smoothly, doesn't it?"

Jackal turned a colour to rival his doubles partner's hair. Even Marui had managed to avert his attention away from the cake long enough to hear the throaty purr that sounded like their buchou.

"Ne, Gen-kun," they heard Yukimura say with a soft laugh. "Perhaps I should have timed you after all. It would be…interesting to see how fast you can finish this time."

"Seiichi, you'd drive a saint to distraction," they heard their fukubuchou mutter in reply. "If you'd keep quiet and let me concentrate, it would be your turn so much faster."

For a moment, there was silence, and the Rikkai Regulars were left wondering just what the _hell_ was going on inside that room. And then there was a surprised shriek that jolted them from whatever thoughts were swimming around in their minds.

"Sanada!"

Niou, Marui and Kirihara had their ears pressed to the door, and the heard a low, chuckling laugh that was too lowly pitched to be Yukimura. They shuddered, both thinking that their fukubuchou sounded a tad eviler than normal.

"Sanada!" The name was less a shriek now, than a whine. Softer, they heard him again. "Genichirou…" It was a plea border lining on a moan. "Please?"

Marui turned a shade to match his hair. His eyes were wide as saucers, and Niou was glad for the glasses that he was still wearing, regardless of his return to Niou-mode, for the reflective lenses concealed eyes that he imagined must be roughly as wide as Marui's. He exchanged a look with Yagyuu, before averting his eyes when they heard Yukimura gasp Sanada's name again. Kirihara was simply blushing the same shade as the raspberry jam on the mini-cheesecakes he and Yagyuu had selected at the bakery.

"Maybe we should just leave and come back later," Jackal muttered.

"What, and miss this?" Niou hissed. Despite his shocked reaction, he was having a rather good time. Kirihara grinned in amused agreement.

Marui shrugged, as did Yagyuu. Jackal sighed in exasperation and turned towards Yanagi for help. Surely their levelheaded data player would agree that it would be better to leave Sanada and Yukimura alone.

"We should stay," Yanagi murmured, smiling slyly. "Ii data…"

Jackal sweatdropped, noticing that the last bit sounded suspiciously familiar. He vaguely recalled having heard the same thing from Seigaku's Inui Sadaharu before.

"Seiichi!" Sanada protested. "You- I- I mean, you can't-"

"Can't _what_, Gen-kun?" Yukimura purred, the sound evoking thoughts of hot, sweaty nights and silken sheets. "I'll let you try and stop me…"

"Don't you _dare_ put it in there-" There was an almost animalistic growl. "Seiichi! You're impossible!"

"Mm, but you just love me that way, don't you?"

Yanagi whipped out a small notebook, from where, nobody knew. They figured it was similar to Niou and the glasses. He flipped to a blank page and started scribbling at an alarming pace. Curious, Jackal tried to sneak a peek its contents, but Yanagi moved aside smoothly, pen never once stopping or even slowing down.

Yukimura let out a voluptuous sigh. "It's your turn Genichirou. Let's see how steady your hands are this time."

"You love provoking me, don't you?"

"Mm, what do you think?"

"I think it's one of your -" There was a hitch in his voice before Sanada continued, his words coming out in a puff of breath. "Favourite pastimes."

Once more, there was a period of pregnant silence, where all the Regulars outside the room were holding their breaths, so as not to miss even the slightest of sounds from within Yukimura's room.

"Careful, Seiichi…" Sanada's voice was almost teasing. "You shouldn't start something unless you plan on following through…"

"You could be putting your mouth to better use, you know."

"So you say," Sanada retorted. But silence followed, nonetheless.

"Sanada! Not so fast!"

Sanada snorted. "I don't make noise about _your_ technique, you don't complain about mine."

Marui detached his ear from the door and stumbled away, looking somewhat dazed. He bypassed the pastry box—a first for him—and sank into one of the hard, plastic chairs fixed to the corridor nearby. He simply stared ahead, his gaze blank.

"Oh dear, I think Marui's had too much." Yanagi remarked, following the comment with a bout of hasty scribbling in his notebook.

"Yeah, his brain must have short-circuited," Kirihara retorted.

"What do you think they're doing inside?" Niou asked Kirihara absently.

"What does it _sound_ like they're do-"

"Aahh!" Sanada bellowed. "Yukimura, you-"

Nious didn't think it was possible for Kirihara to turn redder than he already was, but it appeared that the second year Regular was capable of turning _very_ red in areas other than his eyes.

There was an almost sinister chuckle that didn't quite sound like their gentle buchou, but it certainly wasn't Sanada speaking. "Ah, but I thought you _liked_ it fast?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack! Are you trying to kill me?"

Yukimura's voice was tight. "Sanada, if you don't move now, I _will_ kill you."

"Where's your famed patience, Seiichi?" Sanada said smoothly, as if to make up for that undignified shout earlier.

"I don't particularly _care_, right now. Just _move_!" The tone of that last word reminded them again just _why_ Yukimura was their buchou. Kirihara was beginning to look a bit peaked himself, and Niou wondered just how much longer the black-haired boy could last.

"Your wish is my command, _buchou_…"

"Sanada! No, don't- Sanada!" There was a small scream, cut short by something, none of them knew what. "Genichirou!" That last word was wrung out in a long wail, ending with the sound of things crashing.

Kirihara abruptly stood up and joined Marui by the corridor.

"Chicken," Niou grinned.

For a very long moment, not a sound was heard, nor was there any sign of movement. Kirihara and Marui, both traumatized beyond their ability to react to external stimulus, simply sat in their seats, staring blankly ahead. Niou, while still perfectly fine apart from the thin sheen of sweat beading over his brow, was flushed a very deep shade of rose. But he was enjoying himself and didn't really care.

Jackal, being naturally dark-skinned, was an odd shade of dusky plum, especially over his cheeks, neck, and ears. He was looking resolutely away from the room door. Yagyuu, ever composed, barely had a tinge of pink to him, but it was there, nonetheless, and Niou was able to spot the faint tint of it shadowing his doubles partner's sharp cheekbones. Yanagi was Yanagi, and being such, seemed completely unaffected by all the moans, shouts, and screams emanating from Yukimura's room. He was just happily jotting down random bits of information into his secret notebook.

Niou was just about to peel himself from the door when Yukimura spoke again, his tone soft and flowing and back to normal.

"You know, I'm surprised we managed to finish before the others showed up. Didn't they say they were going to stop by after practice?"

"You know them. Some of them probably went to line up at your favourite bakery to buy you something, and they're most likely fighting Marui off them now. Yanagi, I'm sure, is being delayed by data of some sort. They're probably waiting for each other, since they like to visit you in a group."

Yukimura's laugh was lilting, almost musical in its crystalline perfection. "While you prefer to visit alone. I wonder why that is… Still, it's strange that they aren't already here. It shouldn't take them _this_ long…"

"Is buchou _asking_ us to walk in on them?" Niou muttered in disbelief. "Man, I knew Yukimura had a hidden side, but I never imagined he was so kinky."

"Niou…" Yanagi said warningly.

"You heard him!" He protested. He whipped the glasses off and tucked them back into the empty space from which he had pulled them out from in the first place.

Yanagi paused in his writing, then continued for another half page. He scanned his notes briefly, then nodded in satisfaction. Slight smile in place, he kept his pen and notebook away in the same mysterious fashion as Niou.

"Okay, I'm done. You can open the door now if you want." His grin suddenly seemed a tad evil. "It's alright if you're feeling too impatient to knock."

Grinning in return, Niou opened the door with a flourish, loudly calling out, "Yukimura-buchou!" with a wide smile. Jackal peeked inside, the curiosity too much for him to ignore.

"Ah, Niou! Renji." Yukimura smiled beatifically at them. "How nice of you to come visit me."

Niou blinked in comfusion at the sight of Yukimura fully-dressed in his pale green hospital pyjamas, lap covered by a thin blanket. Seated beside him was Sanada, also fully dressed in school uniform—only his tie was loosened—and between them was a table. Piled high on that small table were small, narrow block of wood lying haphazardly all over.

Yagyuu set the cake box down before Yukimura, somehow managing to balance it on top of the wooden cuboids. He gave the captain a smile. "We managed to keep Marui out of the box."

Yukimura laughed. "Thank you, but it's really alright if he wants some." He blinked in surprise. "Speaking of which, where is he? In fact, where's Akaya-kun too?"

Jackal managed a nervous laugh, which came out more as a squeak.

Yanagi blocked him from Yukimura's sight. "Ah, I'm afraid they weren't feeling so well, perhaps a stomach bug. They wanted to stay outside for awhile until their stomachs calm down a bit, before seeing you."

"Oh dear," Yukimura murmured worriedly.

"They'll be fine. I'll go check on them, see if they feel well enough to come inside."

A few minutes later, a rather dazed Marui entered, followed by an equally dazed and rather queasy Kirihara. Yukimura immediately patted a bit of space by the side of his bed, motioning for them to sit down.

"Bunta, Akaya-kun, are you two feeling okay? You don't look very well."

Marui blinked and managed a vague nod. Kirihara sighed shakily. I'll be fine," he assured Yukimura, his tone saying otherwise.

Unconvinced, Yukimura let it rest, for the moment, since both Regulars looked so wretched. He cleared a space on the table, Sanada helping him remove the blocks.

"Um, buchou, what's that?" Niou asked, referring to the blocks.

"These?" Yukimura replied, holding up a few blocks. Niou nodded. He smiled. "Sanada brought it over for me, because he thought I might be bored. It's this game called 'Jenga' or something. It's really very fun."

"And stressful," Sanada added, muttering under his breath.

Yukimura raised one slender brow at his vice-captain. "Now, just because you go about it like you do with your sword doesn't mean it's not fun. You just swoop in and try to grab a piece out. Speed isn't _everything_, Sanada," Yukimura chided gently.

"You do the same thing as well sometimes," Sanada replied defensively.

Yukimura patted his hand consolingly. "But _I_ know what I'm doing, Genichirou." He opened the pastry box. "Ah, mini-cheesecakes! Yagyuu, you got the raspberry ones!"

Yagyuu shrugged with well-concealed pride.

"Here, Marui can have the first one." Yukimura handed the tensai the first cakelet, surprised when all Marui could do was croak out, in a very confused and dazed voice, "Jenga?"

A/N:

Written in the wee hours of the morning, this fic is pure crack from the insane recesses of my brain (but then again which part of my brain _isn't_ insane?)… It's past 3.30 in the morning as I type this bit, preparing to upload it onto ffn, so spare me if there are grammatical, spelling, or typographical errors. If there are any inconsistencies (I don't think there are, but then again, I'm exhausted after a looong day of filming…), so sue me (_no_, not really! How many times must I keep telling you that?). Just playing around with SanaYuki here… I haven't really gotten a feel of their characters yet, so this is sort of a writing exercise to see how accurate I've gotten them down (although given the fact that this is a crack fic, even if they're OOC to hell and back it wouldn't make much difference… -.-). Plus I wanted to write a SanaYuki fic that wouldn't result in flames no matter how horribly I screwed up the fic. Add the fact that I missed writing humour fics, and you get this. () haha. But I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless. More stuff to appear soon, both crack and normal (well, as normal as you'll ever get from _me_ anyway). R & R and read the rest of my stuff, ne?


End file.
